The Lighthearted Side of D.C. and Beyond

I've touched on the sessions and my overall thoughts of our trip, but, boys and girls, I'm straying off the beaten path to recap some of characters we encountered outside of the confines of the Washington Hilton, nestled near Dupont Circle.

Upon our arrival in D.C., we took the Metro subway to Dupont Circle. Unfortunately, we were on the train at the same time as seemingly half of Washington, as they all appeared to be leaving work. Our peaceable group, well representative of Southern hospitality, was bombarded by hordes of impatient subway riders hardened by their thankless jobs. One particular Wall Street wannabe shoved right past me and didn't even stop to confront me after I sarcastically remarked: "Excuse you."

Perhaps the most interesting Washingtonian we met on our trip was our tour guide at the Founding Church of Scientology. A sign at the facade of the church advertised an open house, so a large chunk of our group thought it would be worth a look merely to see what goes on inside.

We were greeted by a chipper, bespectacled woman who was a little too excited that we wanted a tour. She gave us a brief history of L. Ron Hubbard and the church itself. We were even allowed into what they claimed was Hubbard's office. If that were the case -- and even if it weren't -- a creepy feeling lingered in the moldy air that hung around in the room like a wet blanket on a helpless child.

Later we were led in the basement of the church where our guide showed us the infamous E-meter and even used it on another conference-goer (he went to a school in Idaho, if my memory serves me correctly). I wasn't convinced that the E-meter actually worked, for it appeared as if she were merely twisting the knobs to keep up appearances. Overall, they failed to convert me even after the guide asked me if I had been here before.

The remainder of the conference remained somewhat mild. However, once we boarded the rubber-band airplane back to Shreveport, things took a turn for the hilarious. The single flight attendant "serving" us on Flight 3495 must have had a bad night, for she was outright rotten. She reminded me of a Waffle House waitress (or a waitress from similar nicotine-soaked all-night establishments).

Unfortunately for poor Lela, who was trying with all of her might to turn off an unwilling laptop, the attendant from hell chose her to unleash her raspy wrath. The following conversation closely reflects what occurred shortly before takeoff:

ATTENDANT (in a loud raspy hiss): I told you FIVE MINUTES AGO to turn that off. It interferes with our navigation...
LELA: I'm trying. It's not...
ATTENDANT: If I have to ask you again, I'm stopping this plane and I'm kicking you OFF!!!

Much to the amusement of the plump businesswomen who sat in front of me, the attendant's attitude didn't change for the remainder of the flight.

Fortunately, the flight went off without further incident, and we arrived safely and wearily back to the quaint Shreveport Regional Airport.

For now,
Richelle Stephens